What do you do when you get a call from your child’s school and on the other side there is a voice that says to you “your daughter has been taken to the hospital because she attempted to harm herself at school”. As you can imagine, I was surprised, but somehow not surprised because I myself have had similar experiences as her when I was her age. After going through the process of handling the news and making my way to the hospital, I somehow was forced to evaluate everything in my life up until that point. Could I have had this condition as well? I pondered the idea and realized almost immediately that I may have had this condition and not realized it. My daughter is now going through her process, and I am just thankful to be here for her.

Taking a quick peek back in time

Going back a moment

I remember feeling similar emotions growing up. As you may have read in my last post on Teen Suicide Prevention, I basically explained how one of my experiences with an attempt went and how I felt emotionally at that time. The truth is, when I sat and spoke to the attending psychiatrist that had met with my daughter I had an immediate epiphany. I was literally looking at myself in that room, but it was my daughter sitting there. Only this time, my daughter was getting the help that unfortunately for me I never received. I felt instant relief, and I also got some clarity as to how I see myself now and how far I have come. All by the grace and mercy of God and his everlasting love.

It was as if I was bending time and I pulled my childhood self into that room as well and finally was able to get some closure in that part of my life that for years I have lived with. I let those feelings and emotions go. The ones that held me hostage for years because of what I wished my mother would have done to help me. Now the question in my mind is what can I do to help my daughter. And I am glad that she has me. As I walked away to get into the cab to bring me back home, I looked back and saw her sitting there and felt like I made it right. I got help for my daughter and was not afraid to seek the help. It takes a lot in my culture to admit when something is not right because it is viewed as a sign of weakness. I am here to tell you that it is not a sign of weakness. It is actually a sign of strength.

What is Bipolar Disorder?

In Short, “bipolar disorder, formerly recognized as manic depression, is a mental health condition that causes extreme mood swings that include emotional highs (mania or hypomania) and lows (depression)” (Mayo Clinic, 2021). The text goes on to explain that there are four different categories to this disorder, you can go HERE to get the full scope of the symptoms as well as episodes that a person can encounter when living with bipolar disorder. Since I technically never received the help that I needed back then, I had to live my life and just dealt with the symptoms the best way I knew how. At this point in my life I feel like if it were not for God, I don’t know what would have happened to me.

Over all, I am just glad to be capable enough to do better for my daughter, and I can finally let go of all of that “I wish my mom helped me” mentality. We cannot live in the past and expect to propel forward. I did not realize that God is using what my daughter is going through to help me with my healing process. All things do work for the Good of those who love him.

More Information on Bipolar Disorder

Living with Bipolar disorder on {VISE}

“An essential aspect of creativity is not being afraid to fail.”

-Dr. Edwin Land

Today I have broken a chain, and it will no longer hold me bound.