As children, we often picture our life through a fairy tale lense. Some of us picture how our ideal friends should be and look forward to finding this said friend in every encounter we have with other kids. We quickly realize that it will never happen. Sadly, as we grow up we take those learned lessons with us and apply our emotions to new situations as young adults. These new found relationships shape the way we eventually act when we are adults with our adult friends. One big thing that gets in the way of how we see our friends is how well we dealt with getting let down over and over again. Promises that were made that were broken, eventually creates a sense of detachment to others in the long run. As adults, you just don’t have the same tolerance to keep up with people that continue to disappoint us. Its just not the same anymore.

Could there be change?

Honestly, it depends on the individual. Sure there are a lot of people that are set in their ways. This makes it difficult to make certain adjustments that could ultimately lead to healthier friendships and relationships all around. Deep down people really wish things were simpler and not so complicated, but with matters of principle and matters of the heart, there are complications that cannot be dealt with easily. You feel hurt because of how many times you were let down, and suddenly your guard is up and new relationships and friendships gives you a certain amount of anxiety that simply cannot be ignored. As adults, we have to learn something very important. No matter how we feel about how someone treats us, they will never change or attempt to change unless you are open and strong enough to let them know how you feel. It sounds like something so difficult to do, but in all reality it is more simple than what you imagine. Simply put, you are an adult and you have things that you stand by. If your partner or your friend simply does not respect when you share how you feel about being let down, then it is time to evaluate that relationship. 

But, we have known each other for years, now what?

I know this is the part where a lot of people will perhaps feel a little hurt…i apologize in advance…. But frankly, it does not matter how long you know someone, if they feel comfortable enough with you to disrespect you, then it is time to put an end to that. As long as you allow people in your life to treat you how ever they want to treat you, including making you feel bad, putting you down etc. Check that behavior or they will never stop. If you truly value that person and love them, that is the least you can do. As children we treat each other a certain way and it is almost acceptable, but as adults we know that it should not be ok to get treated like trash or continue to get disrespected by the people that we expect to give us love and support. Depending on your level of tolerance, we tend to just take the disappointment day in and day out, constantly being told things and seeing how those things never pan out. Its time for a change.

Moving forward

Just be honest with yourself and with those that are in your life. Sometimes the truth can seem like the cruel approach, but your peace of mind and your serenity depends on it. I would rather go through life and have a handful of friends and people that are in my life that respect me and treat me good, then to spend my life with a lot of people that disrespect me and have no regard for how i feel i deserve to be treated. Sometimes you can get cought in a cycle of mistreatment that eventually poisons you and slowly drains you of your life force. Its 2021. With this new year, we should take the time to evaluate those around us and start to make some hard decisions. Even if it means breaking away from toxic people that just cannot be genuine with you or keep it 100 as some say. And lets not forget to evaluate ourselves. Some of us may be the ones causing damage to others unknowingly or intentionally. Lets not forget to check ourselves and perhaps come to terms with the reality that we also need some adjusting. Just something to reflect on.